


Chronic Pain

by Wolvesta



Series: Aftercare Bingo [7]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Aftercare Bingo, Caring Eddie Diaz, Chronic Pain, Domestic Fluff, Eddie Takes Care of Buck, Hurt, Insecurity, Leg pain, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Self-Hatred, Soft Eddie Diaz, Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:02:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23211427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolvesta/pseuds/Wolvesta
Summary: Buck has Chronic Pain in his leg and hides it from Eddie.That doesn't work out well
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Aftercare Bingo [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542400
Comments: 8
Kudos: 455





	Chronic Pain

_The aftermath of the bombing left a lot of things behind._

Long hospital stays, successful/failed psychical therapy, scars, nightmares, blood clots, and a whole lot of other shit. Buck thinks he has a fair handling on most of those things. But the one thing he has trouble with is the chronic pain that flares up sometimes. He thanks whoever is listening that it doesn’t happen during a shift, but sometimes that’s worse.

It acts up in the middle of the night, stealing his sleep and leaves behind dark under eyes and a sore leg in the morning. When the pain flares up, he tries the remedies that his physical therapist recommended. Stretches to ice/heat, but nothing works. It never works.

And it's not even the slight discomfort of a small cramp, it's an intense stabbing sensation that has him curling around his leg in agony. It makes him want to scream out in pain, but he fears that it will alert the neighbors of a murder that isn't happening.

Even sometimes his coworkers notice when he limps the next day after a flair up. But he brushes their concern off, fearing that Bobby will bench him.

It went away after a while, but it started up again after the tsunami, and it worsened after the lawsuit. But with the team and him on the mends, he hopes that it will go away soon and he can forget about it.

_Too bad the infamous Buckley luck can never give him a break_

{~}{~}

The two Diaz boys and Buck find themselves at Buck’s place after a shift. After ordering some food from the local Chinese restaurant, Buck and Eddie are watching a documentary about whales in anticipation for Christopher’s upcoming field trip with his class to a whale watching trip. Christopher was bouncing off the walls when Eddie signed the permission slip. Of course, he didn’t want to sign it right away but after some encouragement from Buck, he smiled and signed it. Christopher gave Eddie a bright smile when he told him that he can go. And the smile widened even more when they went to Buck’s house, and Buck had a new whale plushie waiting for him.

They got here four hours ago and Chris still hasn’t let go of it. He’s sitting on the floor with the plushie in front of him. Eddie and Buck are relaxing on the couch behind him. When Eddie sees what Buck got him, Eddie smiles and gently kisses Buck on the forehead as a sign of gratitude and general soft love. The tension from the shift seemingly melted away after this soft kiss.

Buck is curled into Eddie’s side, hands intertwined and Buck is trying to focus on the movie on screen, but he feels peaceful for the first time in a long time. He feels safe, and it’s something he hasn’t felt since Abby. He realizes just how much he missed it. Buck sighs and cuddles closer to Eddie as he smiles and places a soft kiss in Buck’s hair.

_That’s when he feels it_

At first, he ignored it. He willed his body for it not to happen right now. He was having a nice time with the boys he loves and now his body is acting up again. He adjusts his bad leg to be on top of his good one, hoping that it was just numb because of the position. But it didn’t work. Buck tenses when the pain grows at a fast rate. Eddie senses this and uncurls his arm from Buck’s shoulders. He looks to Buck in concern.

“Buck you ok?” He asks quietly, not wanting to worry his son. Buck pushes through the intense pain and nods a shaky yes. He excuses himself and tries not to limp towards the bathroom. He hears Eddie stand up from behind him, but he just needs to get to the bathroom. He makes it, but not before falling onto the ground, barely missing the bathtub. Eddie is instantly behind him.

“Buck what happened?! What wrong?” Eddie is immediately worried, his hands roaming in the air around Buck, not knowing where to place them. Buck turns on his back and holds himself up by his forearms. He’s about to respond when pain squeezes his leg. He grunts and groans in pain, gritting his teeth, willing himself not to scream. He lets out a sob when he feels both hands on his face. He looks up tearfully at Eddie.

“Cariño talk to me, tell me what’s wrong” Buck can see the concern and fear in Eddie’s eyes and he forces himself to speak.

“It’s nothing…” he groans out shakily.

“Bullshit it’s not, please tell me” Eddie encourages softly, wiping the tears with his thumb away. Buck lets out a few more tears, he was afraid of this, not of Eddie, but of the way he might react. Eddie apologized over and over again for what he said to Buck at the store that day. But the words still lingered in the back of his mind. To suck it up and not whine about his pain, so that’s what he’s trying to do. But Eddie is encouraging him to come clean, so maybe there will be no judgement? Buck sighs and looks to Eddie again, still seeing the concern in his eyes.

“M-my leg” he manages to say. Eddie’s eyes narrow in confusion then widen in understanding.

“Do we need to go to a hospital?” Eddie asks frantically.

“N-no. P-pain, c-chronic” Buck isn’t capable of full sentences when it feels like someone is stabbing his leg with an ice pick. Eddie softly gasps at this, he places a soft kiss on Buck’s cheek.

“Oh amor why didn’t you tell me?” Eddie pulls Buck to his chest, gently massaging his leg while peppering Buck’s head with soft fast kisses. “You need to tell me about these things so I can help you. I hate seeing you in pain” Eddie then stops the movements and gets up from the floor of the bathroom. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.” Buck tries and fails to not curl up into a ball on the cold tile floor.

It seems like a long time that he lies on the floor in indescribable agony, but he can hear Eddie walking throughout the apartment. He hears the sound of Christopher’s crutches but doesn’t make out what Eddie tells him. But he comes back in with a bunch of items in his hands.

“Ok first, here is your pain meds” Eddie hands him two little pink pills and a cup of water. While Buck is shakily taking his meds, Eddie lathers his hands with a combination of tiger balm and menthol oil, and slowly begins to massage Buck’s leg. He applies the right amount of pressure and it helps ease the pain faster than usual. After it seems that the pain has subsided, Eddie doesn’t let up in his movements. His hands, slick with oil, make their way up, down and around Buck’s bad leg. Careful of the sensitive, scarred, uneven flesh, Eddie concentrates all of his efforts into this one simple task.

While Eddie is massaging the kinks out of him, Buck feels tears leaking out of his eyes. While this isn’t the first time Eddie has seen his leg, Buck can’t help the feeling of insecurity that always seems to follow him whenever Eddie or anyone sees his leg. Buck has worked hard for the way his body is, and while he doesn’t like to gloat, he was pretty fucking proud of how he looked. He worked hard everyday for his body to be in good condition for his job, and after everything that had happened in the last year, he had lost almost everything he worked for. But now that Eddie and him were together, Eddie was always there to help him get back to where he used to be, physically at least.

“How do you feel now?” Eddie asks, slowly his movements slightly.

“A lot better…but it still aches…just a little,” Buck says slowly. Eddie stops his movements and Buck can feel the insecurity come back to him, he feels tears welling up in his eyes. He lets out a shaky breath that instantly has Eddie by his side.

“What’s wrong babe? Is something else bothering you?” Eddie asks gently, sliding his hands up Buck’s neck and coming to rest there. Buck can feel the coolness of the oil combination seeping into his neck and he sighs at the sensation.

“N-no I-it’s just-“ Buck looks down and tries to avoid looking at his leg. “I-i don’t like it when you see it…” Buck whispers sadly.

“Why?” Eddie asks, just as quiet.

“I don’t like it…I don’t like how it looks,” Buck says honestly and Eddie slips behind him so that Buck’s back is against Eddie's chest. He brings his arm and wraps it around Buck’s middle to pull him closer to him. He leans his head on his shoulder.

“Sweetheart…it’s a part of you, it shows me how much you survived”

“I hate that it’s part of me…it’s one of the things that I hate about myself…” Buck says so casually and Eddie tightens his hold on Buck’s waist. He lets out a tear at this casual declaration of self-hatred. No matter how hard Eddie tried, he could never find the root of Buck’s self-hatred, but he would work every damn day to chase the thoughts away, just like Buck does with him. He places a soft kiss on the side of Buck’s neck and he shivers at this contact. He tilts his head in Eddie’s direction wanting to be closer.

He doesn’t know how long it is until he feels a weight in his lap. He opens his eyes and sees Christopher slowly sitting down, putting his crutches to the side and snuggling against Buck’s stomach, seeming to be careful of the bad leg.

“Chris what are you doing here?” Buck asks, already knowing the answer.

“Movie is over, wanna be with you…” Chris says sleepily and it makes Buck smile despite the ache still present in his leg. He pulls Chris up to his chest and allows him to curl around him. Eddie engulfed them both and gave him a hug before standing up.

“As much as I love a good snuggle with my boys, it would be very uncomfortable on the tile floor. Let’s go to bed.” Christopher nods and after being pulled up by his dad, he makes his way to the guest room.

“Are you ok to stand on your own?” Eddie asks, holding his hand out for Buck to take.

“Yea, but it might take me awhile to get to bed” Buck says, walking towards the stairs and sighing as he slowly takes each step. Eddie smiles sadly and goes to tuck in Chris after he has him changed into his pj’s.

“Take care of him dad” Christopher says sleepily.

“I will, I promise mijo” Eddie says as he kisses him good night.

By the time he makes it up to where Buck’s bed is, he can see Buck is trying to get ready. Eddie goes over to help him, taking off his sweatshirt and leaving him in his shirt. He gently takes Buck’s pants off and leaves him in his boxers. Eddie undresses to the same level and pulls Buck close to him once they are both in bed.

“How do you feel now?” Eddie asks, idly running his hand up and down Buck’s back.

“Better…but exhausted,” Buck says and Eddie can understand.

“Buck…why didn’t you tell me before it got so bad?” Eddie asks and Buck takes a while to answer.

“I-“ Buck sighs as he tucks his face into Eddie’s chest, muffling his voice. “I didn’t want you to think I was weak…I tried to suck it up but-“ Buck is cut off when Eddie gently kisses him.

“I’m sorry. I know I said it before but I’m sorry. I was wrong…so wrong to say that to you. I love you Evan Buckley…and I don’t like it when you’re hurting. But I can’t even bare the thought of you in pain and not being able to tell me. You went through so much baby, and I hate that I wasn’t there for you, even after you said you were sorry. I hate that I hurt you…”

“You didn’t hurt me Ed-“

“You couldn’t come to me for this. And you thought that I was going to see you as weak…I’m the worst-“ Eddie says in a self-loathing tone. He hates himself for speaking those words to Buck. He wants to blame it on the way he was raised, but even after he enlisted, he saw how wrong his father was for never talking about his feelings and the horrible impact it could have on someone. He doesn’t want that for Buck…not ever.

“No Eddie. It’s ok, you were in a bad place. I know you didn’t mean it, and that you’re working on talking about how you’re feeling. But…it just might take awhile for me to believe that it’s ok to tell you about my pain”

“I’m always going to be here for you Buck. I promise…I love you”

“I love you too”

“How long has this been going on?”

“It only just started up again. None of the things that my doctor told me to do help. But what you did worked well”

“Maybe we can try some different remedies to know what does and doesn’t work?”

“That sounds good”

“Does it still hurt amor?” Buck doesn’t answer at first, but Eddie encourages softly.

“J-just a dull ache” Buck admits and Eddie hums in response. He places a kiss on Buck’s forehead and slips out of bed, saying he would return. Eddie then returns and places a heating pad on Buck’s leg. He sighs in content as the heat helps.

“Better?” Eddie ass, climbing into bed again.

“Much…” Buck finds himself in Eddie’s arms again. “Thank you…I’m sorry I tried to hide it”

“Don’t be…now we know better. You know that you can come to me and I know a way to help you when it flares up. Don’t fret, sleep now” Eddie says, finding Buck’s lips in the dark and kissing them gently. “I’ll take the pad off of you before I go to sleep. I’ll be right here in the morning love”

Buck fell asleep, his leg no longer hurting and his heart full of love. It’s the best sleep he’s had in a long time.

_He finally felt safe_

* * *

Thanks for reading! Feel Free to comment!  
Part 7 in [Aftercare Bingo](https://wolvesta20.tumblr.com/post/188971501378/now-accepting-requests-for-buck-and-eddie-buddie) that I've created  
Come visit me on my [Tumblr](https://chitownwolf.tumblr.com/)!


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